Mama Bear and the Daycare

Our daycare provider has "issues" with my daughter's behavior that she thinks might warrant Mae's removal from the daycare. However, this is the first I've heard of any problem AND the behavior is not exhibited at home. What to do?

Our care provider tells me that Mae (2) "screams" all day and won't nap. She says that Mae keeps the other kids awake when they should be napping--by said screaming and jumping up and down in her port-a-crib. She also tells me that Mae has been aggressive with the other children (who are 1, 1-1/2, and 2-1/2) and "cannot be left alone with them without supervision" for any reason. Also? Apparently Mae doesn't eat very well.

All of these things have apparently been going on for a while, according to my phone conversation with the caregiver this morning--the napping problem "since she was an infant"--but honestly, I had no idea. Even though she fusses a little (okay, sometimes a LOT) about naptimes and bedtimes at home, she doesn't scream bloody murder or go on a rampage. And I've only seen her lay a hand on another kid when she's stroking a baby's hair, or doling out hugs and kisses to her friends.

When I pick up Mae from daycare, I often ask, "How was the day today?" or some other open-ended question to invite communication, and never have I heard any complaints. Mae always seems happy and relaxed when we pick her up, and she never resists going to daycare in the morning. So I was just completely blindsided by the phone call this morning, and I don't know how to respond.

We have been with the same child care provider since Arlo was eight weeks old, with both of them in her care together for some of that time. She lives across the street from us. She has always been wonderful with the children, and though our personalities are different, we've always given her the benefit of the doubt because she's just so good at her job, and she apparently adores the children. She even said that she has "been strong for so long" with regard to Mae's behavior because she loves Mae so much, and she recognizes our history with her and didn't want to cause any trouble. But then, practically in the same breath, she suggested that we "might want to consider a different day care situation" for her. (Me: stunned.)

I won't go into the details, but I believe that a lot of Mae's so-called behavior problems can be fixed, if we work together--and I am dismayed that we were not asked sooner to be a part of the solution. I am also feeling rejected and hurt on Mae's behalf, and defensive about someone finding fault with her, even though Mae (of course) had no inkling of the conversation we're having. Part of me wants to just pull her out of daycare and wrap her up in my arms and never let ANYONE say anything negative about her, EVER. (I am going to be in a world of hurt when Mae goes to junior high, I'm sure.)

But then, I acknowledge that Mae's not perfect and that if she is causing problems for the other kids, we need to address that. "If there was a problem, YO, I'll solve it." But why did our trusted caregiver have to allow the situation to reach a crisis level before bringing us into the equation?

Is my babysitter afraid of me? Are there underlying, non-Mae-related issues that are not out in the open? Am I in denial? Is my sweet, two-year-old daughter really just an insomniac tyrant in comfy, brightly-colored knit clothing? And not to be a drama queen, but just in case... Does anyone know of an awesome daycare provider with immediate-to-near-immediate openings?

The Art of Marriage

A dear friend shared this with me earlier this summer, and today, as I reflect on the past eight years of my life with my wonderful husband, I wanted to "re-gift" it here because it's an important reminder that any true and good relationship must be created, nurtured, built over time.

Marriage is an art unto itself.

"The Art of Marriage" by Wilfred Arlan Peterson

The little things are the big things.

It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.

It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.

It is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.

It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel.

It is not looking for perfection in each other.

It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is finding room for the things of the spirit.

It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

Scenes from the Eat-In

Board Member Jen Knights and daughter Mae
Originally uploaded by New Pioneer Food Co-op

Labor Day "Time For Lunch" Eat-In, hosted by our local chapter of Slow Food U.S.A., at City Park in Iowa City. The event--and hundreds like it across the country--was designed to focus attention on school lunches and to encourage people to call on Congress to make REAL FOOD the standard in public schools.

swimmingpool!

swimmingpool!
Originally uploaded by knights_writes

Wanty Want Want WAAAAAANT

I really do need new boots this winter, since the boots I bought last year were secondhand, and have already begun allowing water to seep through the soles.

The $165 price tag is pretty far outside of my comfort zone, but I understand that it's actually a reasonable market price for well-heeled (ha) footwear. Unfortunately, my hemming and hawing about the price means that I missed the Labor Day sale (20% off), which would have saved me $33. Guess I'll wait and see if another sale comes along later this fall...

I'll definitely wait until after my wedding anniversary. (Ahem.)

Be patient, my dearies. Mama's gonna try and get you shipped home real soon.

What do you think?

Downtown today, I saw a family crossing the street in front of me, the dad leading a towheaded 3-year-old girl by the hand. I heard a horn honking, and saw a car coming toward them. The car slowed down and yelled something out the window at the family, and they yelled back, incensed that this jerk had nearly run them over.

The thing is, this family had crossed the street on a solidly red light. The car completely had the right of way, and that family seemd to have completely ignored the light.

On the one hand, I thought the guy in the car may have been a little over the top to yell and honk... but he had a point. I thought it was irresponsible to go leading a small child out into traffic. In fact, when we have the kids with us, we have a habit of waiting for the "walk" light to cross, even when there's no cross traffic in sight.

Whose side would you take in the argument?

Random Campus Observations

Today as I was walking across the UI campus, I fell in step behind a pair of college girls, and managed to overhear one of them saying "Ohmigod, I feel so *old*!" I wanted to spit my gum into her pretty blonde hair. (I did no such thing.)

Also... I stopped in to get a University ID card (to which I am entitled as a UI Foundation staffer) so that I can get the software discount at the UI bookstore to buy the software that really should have come with my computer, which came loaded with MS Office but didn’t didn't come with Word BECAUSE MICROSOFT IS A STEAMING PILE OF GREEDY BASTARDS DIPPED IN MELTED BASTARDS WITH CRUNCHY BASTARD COATING.

ANYway. This little college girl was talking on the phone while she is gesturing with her hands to guide me through the picture-taking sequence, and I was totally looking at her instead of the camera when she snapped the photo.

Derrrr.

I don’t know how well you can see this, but the photo is actually sort of horrifying. I look like one of the Manson Family gals, freshly brainwashed and ready to KILL. Because I love Charlie, and he is Jesus.

P.S. I don't hate college girls. They just weren't my favorite among God's creatures today.