Our daycare provider has "issues" with my daughter's behavior that she thinks might warrant Mae's removal from the daycare. However, this is the first I've heard of any problem AND the behavior is not exhibited at home. What to do?
Our care provider tells me that Mae (2) "screams" all day and won't nap. She says that Mae keeps the other kids awake when they should be napping--by said screaming and jumping up and down in her port-a-crib. She also tells me that Mae has been aggressive with the other children (who are 1, 1-1/2, and 2-1/2) and "cannot be left alone with them without supervision" for any reason. Also? Apparently Mae doesn't eat very well.
All of these things have apparently been going on for a while, according to my phone conversation with the caregiver this morning--the napping problem "since she was an infant"--but honestly, I had no idea. Even though she fusses a little (okay, sometimes a LOT) about naptimes and bedtimes at home, she doesn't scream bloody murder or go on a rampage. And I've only seen her lay a hand on another kid when she's stroking a baby's hair, or doling out hugs and kisses to her friends.
When I pick up Mae from daycare, I often ask, "How was the day today?" or some other open-ended question to invite communication, and never have I heard any complaints. Mae always seems happy and relaxed when we pick her up, and she never resists going to daycare in the morning. So I was just completely blindsided by the phone call this morning, and I don't know how to respond.
We have been with the same child care provider since Arlo was eight weeks old, with both of them in her care together for some of that time. She lives across the street from us. She has always been wonderful with the children, and though our personalities are different, we've always given her the benefit of the doubt because she's just so good at her job, and she apparently adores the children. She even said that she has "been strong for so long" with regard to Mae's behavior because she loves Mae so much, and she recognizes our history with her and didn't want to cause any trouble. But then, practically in the same breath, she suggested that we "might want to consider a different day care situation" for her. (Me: stunned.)
I won't go into the details, but I believe that a lot of Mae's so-called behavior problems can be fixed, if we work together--and I am dismayed that we were not asked sooner to be a part of the solution. I am also feeling rejected and hurt on Mae's behalf, and defensive about someone finding fault with her, even though Mae (of course) had no inkling of the conversation we're having. Part of me wants to just pull her out of daycare and wrap her up in my arms and never let ANYONE say anything negative about her, EVER. (I am going to be in a world of hurt when Mae goes to junior high, I'm sure.)
But then, I acknowledge that Mae's not perfect and that if she is causing problems for the other kids, we need to address that. "If there was a problem, YO, I'll solve it." But why did our trusted caregiver have to allow the situation to reach a crisis level before bringing us into the equation?
Is my babysitter afraid of me? Are there underlying, non-Mae-related issues that are not out in the open? Am I in denial? Is my sweet, two-year-old daughter really just an insomniac tyrant in comfy, brightly-colored knit clothing? And not to be a drama queen, but just in case... Does anyone know of an awesome daycare provider with immediate-to-near-immediate openings?
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6 comments:
...openings for children with behavior problems, that is...
This mom hasn't been there but as a mom, my heart hurts for you - and Mae. Been thinking about you since morning. Don't have a solution but will listen and keep my thinking cap on for ways to help.
First thought... OUCH
Next thought "Mae is 2". This is the age wee ones test their identity and their limits. This is the age almost all these little sprouts try "biting" as a social interaction. Hardest for us as the grownups is...this is a very important age to learn "No means No" and that loving acceptance has limits and alternate behavior choices are a good thing.. GrammaM says.."Let's talk"
It could be a bad fit. I speak from experience! My oldest son went totally nuts (crying jags, lying on the floor etc.) in the open-ended Montessori style pre-school we enrolled him in. He is just the kind of kid who thrives on structure and boundaries. (We now know...) However, his younger brother did great at the same place - it was a perfect fit for him. Sadly, at the time we thought of pre-school as a 'one size fits all' type of place so never pulled our older son out and tried someplace else - until he entered public school for K where he is doing just fine in a highly organized environment. I wish we had thought to be more flexible back then as it was 3 years of needless tears for us all.
We were at a breaking point with P and daycare earlier this year and were similarly blindsided. After some talking, we figured out strategies that would be consistent btwn home and school, let a little time pass, and et voila - much better.
I highly doubt that Mae could be a sociopath without you knowing it..
I guess now's as good a time as any to tell you and Ted about the time we were at a picnic with you guys at Happy Hollow Park, and I came around the corner of the shelter to find Ava pinned up against the wall -- a homemade toothbrush shiv at her throat -- by Mae, who glared at me with that "you're next" look. I figured it was an anomaly, but after reading this post....
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